Alec Baldwin's Jack Donaghy. Image courtesy of nbc.com.

“You’re a great woman. You deserve a great man. For just $24.95 an hour.”
–The Stud on Jack Donaghy’s Porn for Women Network

We’re bursting with pride here at the Cambridge Women’s Pornography Cooperative now that 30 Rock’s Jack Donaghy has announced that his “amazing new business idea” is to establish a groundbreaking new pay-per-view channel modeled after…you guessed it, Porn for Women. If you’ve ever experienced the bliss of flipping through the pages of our books in rapid succession—how that stream of thoughtful, empathic hunks comes to life!—you’ll agree with us right away that it makes perfect sense to expand the franchise in the direction of live action television.

As one high level CWPC researcher who prefers to remain anonymous predicts, “We’re thinking the Porn for Women Network logo will be somewhat like the CBS Eye, but with better eyelashes. Or perhaps akin to the NBC Peacock, but with a plume of sexy feather dusters…less pea and more…well, you get the point.”

Ever since Alec Baldwin’s Donaghy revealed his inspiration during the March 18th episode, reporters and bloggers have been all abuzz about the concept: Entertainment Weekly’s “Pop Watch” compared the idea to the magnificence of being frozen in carbonite á la Han Solo, while the Los Angeles Times’ “Show Tracker” blog accused Donaghy’s proposal of reinforcing “the lame gender politics that pollute so much of our pop culture.” Hmm. Perhaps Donaghy’s scheme has yet to mature into the rich and intricate satire achieved by its book series precursor. The steamy pay-per-view spokesman tantalizes Liz Lemon with reassurances that he’ll “just listen patiently and say things like, ‘uh huh,’ ‘how annoying,’ ‘she’s clearly jealous of you,’ and ‘well, it’s his loss.’ ” But does he offer her a cup of chamomile tea or another slice of chocolate cake, clean the cat box and compliment her hair? Encourage her passions (be they for crafting, scrapbooking, or sex), respect her just the way she is, and remind her never to settle? And does he actually say “wanna snuggle?” like he means it? Maybe the Porn for Women Network’s producers have a bit more reading to do.

Which makes us wonder…Doesn’t Jack Donaghy need Liz Lemon to serve as the one who “patiently listens to him” as he “jabbers” about the Kabletown takeover—to satisfy his emotional needs—just as much as he needs Avery Jessup to satisfy his physical desires? Could it be that Donaghy himself needs Porn for Women? It’s the yellow button, Jack.

And the little pink book.